Sometimes albums have cover art that is so magnificently designed that it transcends the music it’s adorning and demands entry into our finest halls, begging to be displayed in our most illustrious galleries.

This series is not about that type of album art.

Today we’ll take a look at the majesty of Wet From Birth, the 2004 release from The Faint.



Brennan – So there is…a lot going on here. Obviously the giant fetus is going to be the focal point. I must admit that I never expected to write that statement in my lifetime, but I do suppose that a giant fucking fetus seems like an appropriate place to direct your attention. Also, I’d like to point out two additionally terrifying aspects of this bizarro-land collage: first, the nightmarishly elongated arm of the boy holding the fetus. It’s mainly a trick of perspective, but given what’s happening here, this kid might just be a baby Stretch Armstrong or the offspring of Mr. Fantastic and…a giant uterus, I guess. The second aspect is bit more subtle (if anything at all about this cover can be called subtle): I didn’t even notice the eight year-old boy shooting out of that enormous uterus until about the tenth time I looked at this thing. But there he is, just doing his thing, hanging from some fallopian tube monkey bars like that’s totally normal. (For the record, it’s not.)

Casey – This was an interesting choice, because I don’t really think it’s awful, per se, but it is undeniably uncomfortable to look at. It definitely plays heavily on the “birth” part of Wet From Birth, having a small child hanging from a branch that seems to be coming out of a vivisected vagina. I can just imagine how the pitch meeting for this would have gone: “Boy’s you’re not selling your music, you’re selling a lifestyle. And the lifestyle you are selling is one where fully grown children are coming out of vaginas that already contain huge babies, being held by other children with their heads on backward that have their eyes covered by super long spent condoms with the album title on them…of course. Any body up for some mescaline and a rag of ether?”

 Scott – This was MY pick and I don’t even know what to say.  It’s just so, so, so awful.  The strange thing is that I really loved the cover for Danse Macabre, so much so that I bought the album blindly without even having heard of The Faint.  This album cover is an abortion. **Sniff** Good stuff, Scott.  It’s always reminded me of the Dillenger Escape Plan cover for Miss Machine, which is also shockingly terrible.  If there is one thing I have always hated, it’s collages. They are the gingers of the art world. Now, the band probably thought this looked really arty at the time, but I think we can all agree that it just looks like a five year-old pasted some random pictures to a poster board and claimed it was an album cover.

Chris – I don’t really know where to start here, it’s like some kind of Lovecraftian porno. Did you realise that the giant uterus is melting that boy’s legs? And that it seems to be harbouring some kind of dark dimension behind it? Although all of that is beside the point, which is holy shit – there is a small child seemingly giving birth to (or being eaten by?) a giant fetus in the freakishly long arms of an understandably concerned child. Also, the left-hand side of the uterus might be a charred finger. Or a mountain with a floppy dick on top. Either way, it’s coming for that boy, and I don’t think he’s going to run very far without his legs.

Image Source


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